I was just finishing up a three-day solo hunt down state and was ready to head back to the big city when I felt something in the middle of my back. I swung my arm around trying to feel what it was, but it was in that zone I couldn’t reach no matter what angle I tried. 

I propped a couple mirrors together in my cabin and discovered I had a tick buried in the dead center of my back. I’m not grossed out by ticks, but the idea that this thing would be joining me for my four-hour road trip home, sucking my blood the entire time, was something I couldn’t allow. 

Once I realized I couldn’t reach it, I got one of my wife’s serving spoons. Then a spatula. Then salad tongs. But as hard as I tried, that tick wasn’t budging. Eventually, the entire utensil drawer was scattered across the kitchen counter with nothing able to dislodge the parasite. Then I tried the old bear back scratcher on the corner of the door trim. The only thing my attempts produced was a back covered in red welts and scratches. 

Then I remembered reading somewhere that if you covered the tick in a sticky substance it would start suffocating and pull out. I looked around the cabin and discovered a stick of deodorant. I still couldn’t reach the tick so I jammed the deodorant in the crack between the door and the jam and rubbed it all over my back.  

I threw my shirt on and made the trip home. When I arrived, my wife immediately inspected my scratched up back and pulled the hitch hiker off. The deodorant hd worked! The tick was dead on arrival.