My friend Simon and I stood at the water’s edge, looking down at the kayak. Both of us had ARs strapped on our backs and we were about to embark on an afternoon of wild hog hunting in deep southern Mississippi. Due to flooding, the water levels were higher than normal. That would work to our advantage, we figured, because the pigs would be confined to high ground. All we had to do was find them. 

That’s where the kayak came into play. The problem was that the kayak was a single, but Simon was very hopeful we could make it work. I was not so optimistic. But with the rising waters, we had no other options. 

I relented and carefully climbed on board — and the entire backend of the kayak sank. I had never felt fatter in my life. We paddled for 8 feet and completely capsized. Needless to say, no hogs were harmed by us that day. But I did look up the 1-800 number to Jenny Craig.