“Don’t give me a receipt … I gotta sneak this one past ‘the wife,’” guys would sometimes say when buying bows from me or my brothers back when my family owned an archery shop from 2002-2010. “It doesn’t matter if she sees the bow. To her, a bow is a bow. But a receipt will give it away, and I’ll be in big trouble.”

At the time, I chuckled at such remarks. Now, I don’t find it very funny.

With about 17 years of adulthood under my belt — 11 of them being married to my wife, Becca — I totally get it that money can be tight, and oftentimes one thing must give in order to afford another. That’s why transparency when making considerable purchases (such as a new bow or an out-of-state hunting trip) is so important. In fact, being transparent can make a difference in the way your spouse views your bowhunting addiction. If you discuss purchases you’d like to make rather than do them in secret, the odds are your spouse will respect you more and support you on one level or another.

When I met Becca in 2010, I was already selling articles to bowhunting magazines and websites. I also didn’t hide the fact I’ve loved bowhunting since before I was old enough to do it; I knew at age 5 years that I’d become a hunter and love it. You could say it’s in my blood, and whether she married me or not, I wouldn’t be giving up my God-given talent of arrowing animals for the table and teaching magazine and website readers how I do it.

Love at First Launch

My love for archery and bowhunting piqued Becca’s interest shortly after we met, and her father soon bought her a bow. Once I worked with her on shooting and she became proficient, her father and I set up a double treestand, and I took her bowhunting several times. We didn’t see many deer, but she became familiar with climbing into a treestand and the waiting game that we call bowhunting. One afternoon, a small 1.5-year-old buck offered her a shot, but she said, “He’s so little,” and let him walk.

We married in 2013, and Becca quit deer hunting. It was obvious she had just used her “interest” in bowhunting to hook me. Not really (laughs), but her interest in all of it certainly changed once we got married. She did turkey hunt with me, and her first bow-kill was a tom turkey in 2016. She followed up with another big archery gobbler in 2017, and following those two successes, I said, “Why don’t you try deer hunting again?” I had won an outfitted Kansas deer hunt, and I wanted her to draw a nonresident tag and do the hunt.

A Change of Heart

What had been just an idea suddenly became reality. Becca drew a Kansas tag, and November came quickly. She put in a great deal of preparation, and soon we parked our truck outside the lodge of an outfitting business in Kansas.

We hunted hard for 5 days, and although Becca hadn’t previously shot a deer, we had to wait for a buck scoring 140 inches or better to avoid a penalty fee per the outfitter’s guidelines. We hadn’t seen a single buck of that caliber, and Becca was down to one more afternoon. Meanwhile, one of the guides learned she hadn’t killed a deer before, and he allowed her to shoot any buck she wanted and waived the penalty.

That last afternoon, we had a nice 4x3, which was a dandy first buck, offer her a 20-yard shot. Becca put a Rage broadhead into his lungs. Based on the instant gush of blood, her shot was obviously lethal. I haven’t shaken as hard as I did that afternoon on any other hunt. I got such a rush from that experience; it was nuts! I was shaking so much she asked, “Are you going to be OK?”

When we recovered the deer, her emotions were a bit different from mine when I took my first deer. She had finally killed her first deer, and it was actually pretty tough on her. She had some excitement, but she felt far more remorse and sadness. I feel those feelings when I harvest game, too, but I can dismiss them fairly quickly because I accept the responsibility God has given me to manage wild animals and use them for food. Of course, I realize not everyone wants or accepts the same responsibility.

After the hunt was all said and done, I didn’t push Becca to hunt again. We’ve discussed it a handful of times. Sometimes, she talks about trying it again, but she says she just doesn’t think she can handle the killing part. I respect that 100 percent.

A New Role in Hunting

Becca didn’t walk away from hunting for good, and she certainly isn’t against it. She knows about the corporate meat industry’s dirty little secrets, and she agrees that eating wild game is as good as it gets. So, she backs my love of bowhunting 100 percent. 

And it doesn’t end there. We’re virtually connected at the hip, a package deal, if you will. So, she joins me on most of my hunting trips. She doesn’t buy a license, but she brings her camera and captures images, many of which accompany my articles. When I’m successful, she says things like, “I’m such a softy. It’s still hard to see an animal that was just going about its way dead.” But, we sit and reflect on the hunt, often holding hands, and discussing the remorse we both feel, but also the joy of knowing we’ll have a freezer stocked with organic meat I procured in the purest way possible. Then, she accepts it and is genuinely happy for me and my accomplishment.

Becca also actively participates in helping me find an animal to pursue by glassing. When we’re elk hunting, she does the cow calling. She packs a wind checker and is constantly monitoring the wind. Even though I’ve been bowhunting for 23 years, I often stop and run my plan by her to see if she sees any reasons why it won’t work. Often, her perspective helps. 

The other great thing is I married a worker. When I drop an animal and Becca is along, she assists with bagging the meat into meat bags and loading it onto our packs (photo below). She is also way stronger than her 120-pound, 5-foot-4-inch frame would suggest. I was blown away when I bow-killed a big elk in 2018 and she carried both front shoulders, which totaled 68 pounds, in her pack. Having her help during pack-outs is priceless. 

I’m not going to sugarcoat things — sometimes Becca thinks we should be done for the morning when I want to continue to look for a way to get shot. I hunt very aggressively, and I’m good at suffering as long as the chance of success looms. Take, for example, an elk hunt from 2022 when I was away from my pack (which held my water and snacks) from shortly after daylight all the way until 9 p.m. when I relocated it. I had dropped it so that I could sneak through the brush quietly, but the elk herd kept moving, and soon I had shadowed them for miles. I’m glad Becca didn’t go with me that day. She wouldn’t have had the desire to forsake hydration, nutrition and general commonsense for that length of time.

All in all, though, she’s a really good sport and hands-down my best friend. And while she doesn’t carry a bow herself, she exhibits excellent woodsmanship. She has a great understanding of when to move, when to stay still, when to talk and when to be shush. She also understands how to use the wind (I mentioned that earlier) and the terrain to move in on game. I’m beyond blessed to be married to her, and equally blessed that she joins me on many hunts so we don’t have to be apart.

It Goes Both Ways

Our relationship is a two-way street. Becca loves to serve on the worship team at our church. She has an immense love for hunting edible wild mushrooms. She has an even greater love of pottery. She loves to fish, and she loves interior design. There’s more, but those are her top interests. That means I stand by her side and support these interests. 

Maybe your spouse doesn’t hunt with you as mine does, but if you want your spouse to at least support you in chasing your dream of bowhunting, then you must reciprocate that support in whatever interests/pursuits your spouse has. 

Would I love it if Becca was as nuts about bowhunting as me? Sometimes I think it would be nice. However, it would entail a lot more expenses (double the equipment and licenses). Trying to fill two tags instead of one would involve a lot more effort and difficulty. One plus is it would take a lot of pressure off me being that I wouldn’t always be behind the bow. 

All things considered, I’m thrilled with what we have going on. I know the killing part is hard for Becca, and although I feel remorse when I harvest, I fully accept that duty as a necessary part of the process we call bowhunting. I’m happy to fill the provider role, and I’m even happier she tags along on most hunts.

Final Thoughts

Why don’t I close with a quick story of bowhunting with my wife? In southern Iowa, we’d been sitting in treestands for about 10 days with no shot opportunities. Longing for a change in pace, we decided to hunt actively on the ground. We were driving and glassing when a doe crossed the dirt road in front of us. The deer had acted somewhat suspiciously.

“It’s November 10,” I said. “I think we need to get into that thicket with her and see if a buck is around.” We parked and then slinked along the edge of the thicket. I was pretty sure we were getting close to the doe when Becca suddenly caught movement on the other side of the thicket. Sure it was a buck, we hunkered down and I grunted.

In he came, and he was a dandy public land buck. At the time, I had never hunted whitetails like this, let alone with another person beside me. But, we were getting away with it. I dropped my rangefinder when the buck broke 20 yards. At about 15, he pawed the dirt, and then he spun broadside. I put an arrow through his ribs, and we couldn’t believe I finally filled my tag after sitting in treestands for many long and unproductive hours. We high-fived and were both grinning from ear to ear.

God has blessed me in ways too many to mention. I hold Him most dear, and then having a woman who supports me to great lengths is next in line. I don’t know where I’d be without her companionship, her diligence, her smarts and her support. I’m glad that when I point the truck toward some dinky western town, Becca usually embraces the where-you-go-I’ll-go mindset. It has yielded many fond memories, and I can’t wait to see what other memories we make in the decades ahead, Lord-willing.

Sidebar: Making Memories

One of the things Becca and I enjoy doing when we’re on hunting trips is taking the time to see and experience one or two things that aren’t hunting-related. Because she doesn’t have the hardcore hunting personality I do, it helps her to get a break here or there to do something other than hunt. We’ve visited hot springs, thermal caves, Yellowstone National Park, Custer State Park. Yep, we’ve even taken an afternoon off from hunting to go out for a meal or go shopping. Taking part in non-hunting activities specific to the area help both of us keep a good attitude throughout the trip.

Photos by Darron and Becca McDougal